Learning Enough to Change Direction

For the past several months, I’ve been studying backend development through Boot.dev.

I learned a lot. I finished Python, Linux, Git, object-oriented programming, functional programming, and multiple projects. I made real progress.

I also hit a point where something became hard to ignore.

The farther I got, the more coding felt like trying to think through a blanket woven from executive dysfunction, fatigue, and brain fog. The concepts often made sense. The problem was holding enough moving pieces in my head long enough to translate them into working code.

That distinction matters. As someone living with multiple disabilities and chronic illness, I have to think carefully about what kinds of work I can sustain, not just what I enjoy.

Where It Started To Break Down #

One recent lesson asked me to build an agent loop. Not a huge app. Just one part of the system.

I had to track message history, tool calls, tool results, call IDs, ordering rules, iteration limits, and SDK-specific types all at once.

I could explain what the code was supposed to do.

But actually coordinating everything in real time was mentally exhausting. I could feel the strain building before I had even been working that long.

And it wasn’t only this assignment. For a while, I had noticed that each new lesson seemed to demand more of the exact kind of sustained concentration and working memory that executive dysfunction, fatigue, and brain fog make difficult for me. The work was becoming progressively harder and more painful, even when I understood the underlying concepts.

The agent loop was the point where I had to stop and be honest with myself.

This was not just “I need to try harder.”

It was “this way of working is becoming cognitively expensive in a way my body and brain might not be able to sustain.”

What This Is Not #

This isn’t me saying Boot.dev is bad. In fact, I think Boot.dev succeeded. It gave me enough experience and technical foundation to understand backend development from the inside and make an informed decision instead of wondering “what if?” for years.

Sometimes “enough” is not finishing every module in a path. Sometimes enough is learning enough to make a better decision.

What I Learned Anyway #

I now have a much stronger technical base than I did before.

• I can work in Linux and Git with confidence.
• I can read Python and reason about application structure.
• I understand APIs, state, and how tool-calling systems work.
• I can evaluate AI-generated code with more judgment.
• I can communicate with developers more clearly.

None of that is wasted.

Why I Am Changing Direction #

My deeper goal has never been “be a backend engineer at all costs.”

My goal is to help make technology better for disabled people, especially people living with multiple disabilities at the same time.

I can do that in more than one way.

Right now, a better fit looks like this:

• accessibility-focused technical writing
• advocacy grounded in lived experience
• usability and accessibility feedback
• AI-assisted prototyping of small tools
• collaborating with developers without requiring myself to do every implementation detail alone

That still uses the technical skills I learned. It just uses them in a way that’s more sustainable for me.

What I Want To Build Next #

AI has changed how I think about building software. A year ago, I assumed that if I wanted to create a tool, I needed to become the person writing every line of code. Today, I see another possibility. I can contribute by defining the problem, making design decisions, testing accessibility, and guiding the implementation while using AI as a collaborator rather than trying to do everything myself.

One project I’m considering is an accessible merge game designed for keyboard and screen-reader use from day one.

That kind of project feels aligned with both my interests and my limits. I can use AI for implementation support while focusing on what I do best: defining the real user needs, shaping the design, testing usability, and deciding whether it actually works.

The Honest Part #

I’m still frustrated.

This isn’t the first education path I’ve had to rethink because of health and access barriers. That grief is real.

But this change doesn’t mean I’m back at zero.

If anything, I have a clearer picture now:

• what drains me
• what energizes me
• what kind of work is worth my limited cognitive and physical energy

I’m not giving up on technology.

I’m choosing a direction I can actually live in. I don’t know exactly where that path leads yet, but for the first time in a while, it feels like it’s pointing toward work that fits both my interests and my life.